The other night I'd been indulging, which I own is very silly
And to rouse me up a little, I began to think
I'd turn into the Cafe Riche, which you know is in Piccadilly
And refresh my noble self with something cool to drink
Behind the bar presiding was a young and lovely maid
I gracefully walked up to her and this is what I said
'An American refresher for myself I do intend
As you know what is best my dear, what do you recommend?'

Spoken - I suppose you've all tasted American drinks at one time or other, curious names they have tho', for instance there's...

Chorus: A stone-fence, a rattlesnake, a renovator, locomotive,
Pick-me-up, or private-smile, by Jove is worth a fiver
A Colleen Bawn, a lady's blush, a cocktail, or a flash of lightning
Juleps, smashes, sangarees, or else a corpse reviver.

'Well, really now you seem so bad, your looks I am commiserating,
'Sir,' said she, 'But let me see, I must have time to think.'
She appeared so lovely, so bewitching and so captivating
'Anything you make' I said, 'My darling, I shall drink.'
When for some seconds, more or less, this charming girl had stood
Said she, 'I think an 'Eye opener' my dear, would do you good.
You're queer a out the optics, and you're husky in the voice
But there's a card with list of drinks, and from it take your choice.'

Spoken - And she handed me the card with such a sweet smile, something like this - you know the sort of smile, what I call the droop. I took the card and read as follows....


Said I, 'A 'private smile' from you is really quite as sweet as honey
And a 'lady's blush' is more becoming than a frown
I'd enjoy a 'pick-me-up' if you would knock me down.'
Said she, 'Oh come now that's enough, sir, you're inclined to rave
I wish you would be quick and tell me what you're going to have.'
Said I, 'How can I choose, my dear, from such a splendid lot
I can't make up my mind, so, I'll have everything you've got.'

Spoken - 'What', she said, 'everything?' ' Yes,' I replied, 'Everything on the list.'

Said she, 'Now don't be stupid, for to take them all would be such folly
One or two I'd recommend. but pray don't take the lot
For as all the drinks are iced, sir, the result would be most melancholy
I am very certain you would freeze upon the spot.'
Said I, 'I wouldn't care a pin, I'd think it rather nice
A smile from you, I'm very sure, would quickly melt the ice
And as I must make up my mind, my choice at once I'll take
Indulge me, please, by mixing a luxurious rattlesnake.


Spoken - I did enjoy it, too, it slid down my throat so beautifully, and it was so nice, that I was induced to try the lot.

Performed by Arthur Lloyd (1840-1904)
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