It's a glorious thing as we don't live,
Where there ain't no haristocrats,
Where the poor to the rich only nod,
Never troublin' to touch their 'ats.
I 'ave gone for pelf, for sez I to myself,
I ain't a goin' to try for fame;
But I mean to prove, as I knows the way to move,
With an 'andle to my name.

Chorus: Hi ham Sir Halfred 'Erbert 'Iggins,
Hand I mixes with the hupper ten;
I used to walk a West-End shop,
Things was very, very different then,
Now I 'ardly knows the price of 'ose
And I'm 'orrified to 'ear of trade.
I 'ob-nob with the toffs as I used to serve
Hin the Burlington Harcade.

I ain't goin' to say 'ow 'ard I've worked,
To become the feller I ham,
For there ain't not a job as I've hever shirked,
Whether dealin' in 'ats or 'am.
But I kep' my heye on the sweet bye-and-bye,
'Twas a very hinterestin' game,
And at last I've scored, for altho' I'm not a Lord,
I've an 'andle to my name.

Chorus:

'Er fair Ladyship was once hemployed
In a bar as manageress,
An' now when she meets 'er late boss in the streets,
'E will talk of the hold address!
'Twas a first class 'Pub' but she give 'im a snub,
The last time as 'e tried that game.
When 'e raised 'is 'at, well, she told 'im flat
She's an 'andle to 'er name.

Chorus: