Oh I often lie a-bed and think what an awful thing is work
I know a lot who's started it and finished with a jerk
There's bleary Bobby got a job to drive a motor car
Said, 'Blow the p'lice, I'll let them see I know what motors are
One hundred miles an hour he went and quite enjoyed the fun
Till a brewers dray got in the way and his days' work was done.

A shooting competition was the end of Jimmy Dubb
He got the job as marker for the first time in his pub
He didn't understand the work and when he heard the shot
He thought it must be time for him to go and mark the spot
He stood in front of the target to see which man had won
And he got a shot on a tender spot and his day's work was done.

A man was up a ladder, cleaning winders was his job;
But all the time was spooning with young Missis Thingmabob.
Her husband came along just as their heads in kisses met;
He didn't rave or carry on as though he was upset.
He simply pulled the ladder away and said, "This takes the bun."
The man at the top, he came down plop and his day's work was done.

To be a strong man was the fad of Jerry Macintyre
And just for practice now and then he'd let himself for hire
He went to do a moving job some heavy things to shift
He thought he'd really like to see how much weight he could uplift
With a grand piano on his back, upstairs he tried to run
Trod on a stair that wasn't there and his day's work was done.

Now Pat he went for a sailor and he thought the job was soft,
No sooner had he started than he was ordered up aloft.
He funked a bit, but up he went, in fact, he had no choice,
Was hanging on the top-mast when he heard the Captain's voice.
"Let go that rope" the Captain yells to Pat, he means this one;
Let go came tumbling down below and his day's work was done.

I know a man who got a job with a menagerie
Was just to feed the animals, as easy as can be
He didn't know their habits, that was the funny part
But when the feeding time came round he had to make a start
He went into the lion's den and offered it a bun
The lion smiled and then got wild and his day's work was done.

itten and composed by T.W. Connor - 1903
Performed by George Brooks (1867-1947)
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