I've often thought I'd like to go on the stage
I'm brim full of talent, I'd soon be the rage
Once at a Music Hall I got to learn
That they could find room for just one extra turn
I went round on Saturday night
And the Manager said, 'It's all right
I think that it's time now for your turn to sing.'
And it was, and it was
He said, 'Sing a love song from 'twill be just the thing'
And it was, and it was
I can't remember all that occurred
A cabbage hit me and a strange noise I heard
And a young fellow said, 'Why that must be the 'bird''
And it was, and it was.

I'm most superstitious as some people are
Last Thursday I went to a fancy bazaar
A girl in a tent reads the lines on your hand
She told me some different signs. It was grand
I said as I gave her a kiss
'That's a sign you're a sweet little miss'
And I said, 'It's a sign that you'll sit on my knee'
And it was, and it was
And I said, 'It's a sign you've been cuddling me'
And it was, and it was
A fellow came in. He was seven feet two
She said, 'It's me husband' I felt rather blue
And she said, 'That's the sign for a thick ear for you'
And it was, and it was.

At our Working Man's Club I am bound to declare
I'm the most popular member that's there
Last Friday they wanted a chairman, you see
And as I'm the most thirsty they all called for me
When a knock at the door we all heard
And the President said, 'Pon my word
I think it's a wire for somebody here'
And it was, and it was
He said, 'Now it's very important, it's clear'
And it was, and it was
'Some member's a father of triplets today'
Well, everyone cheered and I shouted hooray
And the President said, 'It's for you Mr Gray'
And it was, and it was.

I'm considered a sportsman and my luck is unique
I went to the races last Saturday week
I plunged on a horse they called 'galloping Bert'
A tip from the stable. An absolute cert!
Some chap said, who looked through his glass
'Hello boy, they're off, they'll soon pass'
And he said, 'It's a beautiful day for the race'
And it was, and it was
He said, 'Galloping Bert, look he's making the pace'
And it was, and it was
I said, 'Can you see my horse Mr Brown
Am I winning?' Then he turned to me with a frown
He says 'I think that's your horse over there lying down
And it was, and it was.
Written and composed by Scott
Performed by Jay Laurier (1879-1969)
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