When the bugle called, I doubled at the toot
And joined the British Army
Took the bob, got the job, and drove the Germans barmy
I was on parade when the Colonel said,
'You've won the war, old cock bird
Here's the D.C.M and the D.S.O. you'd better have a drink before you go
So I got demobbed with my hair all bobbed, and ever since I've said, 'What Ho.'

Chorus: 'Any old rags, any old rags,' that's what I keep shouting
I did look a don with my khaki on,
But now I've got it off, don't I look a cough-drop?
'Guy, guy, guy,' the boys all cry, as I run around the houses
Got a bob-tailed coat and a funny little hat
But I've got no blinking trousers.

At the Mons affair I got it in the neck, all bully beef and biscuit
Dear, oh lor, no more war, you want some pluck to risk it
'Mid shot and shell, I fought like....well, my gun and baynit melted
Tho' I must confess in the Sergeant's mess
What a bit of fun when the job was done
But for Kaiser Bill we'd have been there still
For he shouted time and pinched the till.


When I fought the Turks what with all their dirty works,
I fairly got the breeze up
Sands all wrong to march along, it's hard to keep your knees up
And in Egypt too, tho' the skies are blue, the sand gets in your pudden
And Jerusalem is no use-a-lem,
If it wasn't for the boys from Whitechapel
I've bled and fought with my pants cut short,
But never more, it's not my sport.


Performed by Harry Champion (1865-1942)
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