What funny things people will argue about
You've noticed the very same thing I've no doubt
An Irishman once and a man from New York
On the question of ages had quite a warm talk
'Waal, sir,' said the Yank, 'What you say's very fine
About your relations, but what about mine
My Grandmother lived to a hundred and nine.'
The Irishman turned up his nose
'Be aisy' says he, 'Ye're a lump of conceit
Me own mother's father that record can beat
For he died at two hundred and one Oxford street.'
And the argument came to a close.

The scene was a schoolroom, the teacher stood there
And faced the small boys with a terrible glare
One scholar was aimlessly looking about
The teacher, annoyed, exclaimed, 'Jenkins come out,
You seem to be quite the worst boy in the school
You're always at fault, disobeying my rule
Write five hundred times the words, 'I am a fool.'
The boy stood there scratching his nose
'What words did you say, sir? he murmured distressed
The teacher was angry, that must be confessed
He said,'I am a fool.' Said the boy, 'You know best.'
And the argument came to a close.

A 'cabby' once picked up a fare in the Strand
A Deutcherman, fresh from the great Faderland
But, oh when he came to be paid for the job
'Lor lummy,' says he, 'Am I dreaming? A bob?
''Ere 'arf a mo, cockie, yer know this won't do
Don't come it, I want eighteen pence orf of you.'
'Vat! dat's all the cab's vort, der horse likewise too
And dear at der price goodness knows
'That's just like you Germans - you're full o' them tricks
You cut down our prices - want something for nix
Why the ole hoss alone's worth two and six.'
And the argument came to a close.
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