I am a bold, bad Bolshevik, to Bolsh is my delight
I'm busy bolshing all the day, and then I bolsh at night
I'm awfully good at murdering, and as I'm unemployed
I've made a little list of those who've got to be destroyed.

I'm going to murder my barber, I'd not much hair he said
To make it grow he rubbed a lot of goose-fat on my head
Next day I'd grown some feathers and I cackled and I clucked
I never have my hair cut now, I have my feathers plucked.

I'm going to kill our Parson. He's got to pass away
For at the local Parish Church upon my wedding day
'Twas him that made me say 'I will' - of all the dirty tricks
'Twill show you what they stoop to do for a paltry seven and six.

I'm going to kill our baker. I'm going to kill him dead
For last night with the 'housemaids knee' I hear he went to bed
I'll teach him to be decent, and kneeling on his chest
I'll say, 'you had the housemaid's knee, but where was all the rest?'

I'm going to kill our milkman. His skull I mean to crack
For in the milk this morn I found a stickleback
That fish came from his moo-cow, I've not the slightest doubt
Why doesn't he milk elephants and let me have a trout.

I'm going to kill our servant, for in the bathroom door
She bored a little hole and all the family said, 'What for?'
She said 'twould let the steam out and they laughed upon my life
But I saw through the notion and she went and told the wife.
Written and composed by Bert Lee & R.P. Weston - 1919
Performed by Ernest Hastings
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