No wonder we find a depression in trade
Since profits are cut up so close
I once saw some sovereigns a fellow had made
At 'Three and a tanner' per gross
He passed a lot off to the public at large
Detectives declared it was funny
And one of them said, as he took him in charge
'What can you expect for your money?'

Chorus: Heigho! it's always so, money is a dreadful thing O!
But an empty purse is a great deal worse, it is - by Jingo!

Now when a young fellow goes hunting for gold
And drops on a 'lady of coin'
He pops the grand query, the question of old
And asks her his fortune to join
Then after they're married, much to his surprise
He finds she is sixty (That's funny!)
She takes off her wig and her cork leg, and cries
'What can you expect for the money?'


Or when an old 'buffer' of eighty or so
Gets mashed on a juvenile Miss
And gives her a cheque for a fiver or so
Then asks her to give him a kiss
She gives him just one, in a half sort of way
He thinks it is sweeter than honey
But if he should ask for another, she'll say
'What do you expect for your money?'


A clever young gentleman went to the Zoo
The monkeys he liked to enrage
One of them grabbed hold of his hat, which was new
And tore it to shreds in the cage
The masher went out to the 'boss of the show'
Who laughed, for it struck him as funny
Then said, 'You should keep from relations you know
Or else you are bound to lose money.'

Written and composed by Harry Dacre
Performed by Charles Coborn (1852-1945)
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