I once was a King of the Mashers, you know
My praises were sung by every Pro
The pink of perfection, the gayest of gay
As the dear ladies pet was considered 'au fait'
I'd do Wegent Stweet or I'd stwoll in the Cri
Smoke cigarettes, wear a glass in my eye
But now that's all changed, and 'tis easy to tell
I'm the used-up invention, the once Masher Swell.

Refrain: I'm gone to the deuce-ity, not any use-ity
Show flag of truce-ity fellah
Crawl up the Strand-ity, matches in hand-ity
'Pipe light, Sir?' loudly I call
Wear shabby clothes-ity, boots without toes-ity
Cold in my dose-ity Swellah
Wash at a pump-ity, doss in the lump-ity
Bottled-up Masher of all.

I once had a palace, the best in the land
With menials to wait at the word of command
I drank, Yes, and thought it was glorious fun
I rattled the dice though 'twas seldom I won
But where are those friends who my hand warmly shook
And of my hospitality daily partook
In place of a smile I get naught but a frown
For they viciously kick me because I am down.

Refrain: But I don't care a fig-ity, live like a pig-ity
Quite infradig-ity fellah
Thick in my speech-ity, worn out knee-breech-ity
Peter won't settle with Paul
Ponder and mope-ity, lost every hope-ity,
Stranger to soap-ity Swellah
Moved on like Joe-ity, where e'er I go-ity
Broken down Masher of all.
Written and composed by George Byford & E. Jonghmans - 1887
Performed by George Byford (1852-1932)
Parody of 'The Masher King'
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