'Twas a fortunate day, I'm glad to say, that ever I got on the job
Collecting rents off ladies amd gents -the tenants at Ballynafob
The agent, says he, 'You careful must be,
Unless you'd make plenty of foes.
And the Widdy Malone is the worst ever known
At paying the money she owes.
If I tell you true, it's a year's rent that's due
And get not a penny we can.'
Said I, 'Widdy or not, bedad she'll cop it hot
If she doesn't pay up like a man.'
So that very same day, without any delay
I very soon got on the scene
And I gave a loud rap with a bit of a cane
At the door of her little she-been.

Chorus: 'Come in' said Widdy Malone, 'Come in, come in, come in.'
Said I to her, 'No thank you ma'am
It's calling just for the rent I am.'
'Sit down,' says she, 'And have some tea
I'm lonely on my own
If you want to kiss me, kiss me,' said the Widdy Malone.

I felt a great chill run down my back - my courage was going on strike
The words she said rushed up in my head, and I felt all over alike
The Widdy was fair, with beautiful hair,
'Twas hanging right down to her waist
And a sweet pair of lips that were red at the tips
Inviting a fellow to taste
But I hadn't come to the Widdy for fun
So narry a bit did I sit
Says I, 'You can't forget the amount of your debt
And you'll have to just pay it or quit.'
But the Widdy she smiled, like an innocent child
And said, 'I'm so glad you've been sent
I feel lonely you see, and I want company
So don't mind the silly old rent.'


'The Widdy Malone is dangerous,' I said to myself in a trice
'My character may get lost if I stay here, letting her talk to me nice.'
So firmly I said, as I turned my head,
'I don't want tea, thanks all the same
As I told you before when I entered your door
'Twas for rent and rent only I came.'
But she said, 'Ah, jewel, you won't be so cruel.'
And put her sweet lips up to mine
The deuce fly away with the dirty old rent
Sure to kiss her how could I decline?
She gave me one back - such a beautiful smack
Then brought the tea things from the shelf
Says I, 'You marry me, for I think we'll agree
And I'll pay the rent for you myself.'


Written and composed by J. P. Harrington & George Le Brunn - 1904
Performed by Michael Nolan (1867-1910)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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