Patsy Burk went to work, steeple clock to mend
When it chimed dinner time, he wanted to descend
Ladder there, didn't care, took a shorter cut
Like a chump, did a jump, wallop on his nut.

Chorus: Couldn't help it, like a little bird
Landed down on his crown, never said a word
Battered boke, pavement broke, through a silly fad too
Down he dropped, then he stopped. Couldn't help it, had to.

Bertie Boggs, left his togs on the beach, then he
Went to swim, more fool him, in the briny sea
When he came out again, Bertie got a shock
Togs had gone, nothing on, hid behind a rock.

Chorus: Couldn't help it. Didn't care to roam
People chaffed, felt a draught, wanted to get home
Some ladies fair, lingered there, his miseries to add to
He found a hat, went home in that. Couldn't help it, had to.

Chimney fire, Zachariah, up a ladder got
Silly flat, went and sat, on a chimney pot
Folks below didn't know, put dynamite
On the fire, Zachariah went up out of sight.

Chorus: Couldn't help it, up he had to go
Rags and bones, strewed the stones, quite a mile or so
Another jay wiped away, very very sad too
Needn't tell, gone to...well, He couldn't help it, had to.

T'other day, Highgate way, lady on a bike
Riding past very fast, trying to race a tyke
In a tick, half a brick, brought her to a halt
All alone on her own, turned a somersault.

Chorus: Couldn't help it, legs up in the air
Bits of lace all over the place, good job I was there
Up I rushed, how she blushed, didn't look mad too
I saw her fall, I saw her fall. Couldn't help it, had to.
Written and composed by T.W. Connor - 1897
Performed by T.E. Dunville (1868-1924)
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