She had a son, such a funny 'un
And she didn't know what the Dickens to do
For Robert was off his onion
Labour he'd shirk - just like a Turk
She said that he squinted through looking for work
One day a great medical star
Examined Robert, then said to his Ma
'Take no offense, but your boy has no sense.'
Chorus: But he's still on this earth in a fine fat berth
Near Westminster Abbey you will find him
For poor old Bob's got a Government job
And his brains he left behind him.
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner of a Petroleum Motor
But how to control the machine as a whole
He knew just as much as a bloater
Something below must have let go
And hit him a kick on the 'Intermezzo'
Then came abust - kicked up a dust
And little Jack Horner, he started head fust
Like a maroon - exploring the moon.
Chorus: Well they picked up the bits in a railway arch
As fast as ever they could find 'em
And a crowd of cabmen played the 'Dead March'
With the 'motor' slung behind 'em.
Little Bo-Peep, she saw some sheep
At one of our halls of Amusement
And their promenade got the manager barred
Well, so the Authority's view went
People said, 'What scandalous rot.'
And the licence they eventually got
Then there was peace - she went to Greece
Somebody said, 'What a happy release.'
Till little Bo-Peep - woke us up from our sleep.
Chorus: You had merely to call at a Music Hall
On a Sunday night you'd find her
Well, perhaps her 'chant' was only a plant
Of the 'prudes' she'd left behind her.
Little Tom Tucker, he sang for his supper
For he didn't fear indigestion
But as they had fed on the last scrap of bread
Well, supper was out of the question
Fact is, just then Master and Men
Over some matter had quarrelled again
While the men fought, maybe for naught
The wives and the little ones had to go short
It's seldom they strike - they know what it's like.
Chorus: But, if ever old England's star should set
As Foreigner's would like to find us
Let us hope we'll ne'er have cause to regret
The trade we've left behind us.
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