I'm awfully unlucky I'm bound to confess,
But still I am always resigned;
Now once a thing happened that might have upset
A man with a much weaker mind.
It happened like this, I was crossing the road
When I got knocked down by a van,
The driver got down said how sorry he was,
So to him I said, 'My good man,

Chorus: It doesn't matter, it's only me,
And I'm sure that I don't mind,
Don't worry, I know how you must feel
But I'd no business under the wheel,
It's true I've broken a rib, or two
And fractured my legs and thighr,
But I'll manage alright on a pair of crutches,
So don't apologise!'

One day I walked into a public house bar
When a chap from his seat then arose,
Walked over, looked at me then closing his fist
He landed me right on the nose;
I was just going to say how I thought it unkind
When he said, 'I am so sorry,
I took you, old fellow, for somebody else.'
I said, 'Don't be sorry, tut tut,

Chorus: It doesn't matter, it's only me
And I'm sure I don't mind a bit,
If I hadn't been here, you must admit
You couldn't have had any face to hit,
You may perhaps nevermeet the other chap
And then you can't diguise,
There's some satisfaction in hitting something,
So don't apologize!'

While crossing from Dover to Calais one night
Our Capotain, the fat-headed clown,
Let the ship spring a leak, then the water came in
And just as the vessel went down,
The lifeboat came out and saved everyone,
Then the coxswain to me with a yell
Said, ' I am sorry to say that there's no room for you,
We must leave.' I said, 'Very well...

Chorus: It doesn't matter, it's only me
And I'm sure that I don't mind,
If you take more than your number, mind
It's six-to-four that you'll be fined,
I've been down twice and can go again
And then if I don't rise,
It's a cert I'm bound to find ground at the bottom
So don't apologize!'

Written and composed by Harry Boden & Bert Brantford
Performed by Harry Ford (1877-1955)
From Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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