If a nice young curate's mashed on you. Don't laugh
For a curate can be good and true. Don't smile
He's the mildest of all mild young men
Be on your best behaviour then
And though he must be in by ten,
Don't say anything to shock him.

If a young man says, 'Give me a kiss.' Don't breathe
If he says, 'Just one now will you Miss?' Don't grin
When he puts his arm around your waist
It's the first time that you have been embraced
And then he proceeds your lips to taste.
Don't struggle.

If you should get mixed in a crowd. Don't push
You're frightened, for they're rough and loud. Don't cry
And when a policeman comes along
And clears your pathway, isn't he strong
To throw him a kiss would not be wrong
Don't hesitate.

If a chap says, 'Will you with me dine?' Don't frown
And if he orders a bottle of wine. Don't stare
But eat your dinner, peas and lamb
And lovely tarts of strawberry jam
And perhaps a pint or so of cham.
Then hook it!
Written and composed by Richard Morton & George Le Brunn -1891
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
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