DON'T STICK IT OUT LIKE THAT | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Uncle Jonah's got a funny nose He gets 'chipped' no matter where he goes Once by the train we were going for a ride We stood upon the platform side by side Fast express came hammering along Uncle just looked out To see if the train was going to stop When me and the porter and the railway 'slop' We all began to shout Chorus: 'Don't stick it out like that - don't! oh, goodness gracious Where did you get that 'boko' uncle? Is it your nose or a big carbuncle? Hide it in your handkerchief or cover it with your hat The driver will take it for a danger signal, Don't stick it out like that.' My old girl, some little time ago She got toothache in her little toe I said to her, 'You must come along o' me' And took her to the local surgery Doctor said, 'Please let me see your tongue.' And when she complied He simply began to stare at it I thought he was going to have a fit But all at once he cried, Chorus: 'Don't stick it out like that - don't! oh, goodness gracious Where does it go when you don't use it? Swallow it quick, or perhaps you'll lose it Great Scott! What a lot of it, be careful, here comes our cat He's fond of a little bit of raw rump-steak, mum Don't stick it out like that.' Sister Phoebe's gone upon the stage And I think she's going to be the rage She's pretty fat, but she doesn't care a fig 'Cos she can sing a song and dance a jig Last night she played very funny tricks Acted like a clown She cocked up her leg and kept it there Until the proprietor began to swear And said, 'Here, put that down, Chorus: 'Don't stick it out like that - don't! oh, goodness gracious Drop it, old girl, you'll drive me frantic You are too big to perform that antic Your leg's such a funny one -I never saw one so fat The boys in the gallery are shouting, 'Roof it.' Don't stick it out like that.' Once while strolling down a country road Near some rustic labourer's abode I saw a goose, he was waddling along And looking very nice and ong-bong-pong When he saw me he began to blink Turned and walked away He seemed to remark, 'Don't I look smart?' And gave such a wiggle of his hinder part It made me shout, 'I say, Chorus: Don't stick it out like that - don't! oh, goodness gracious When you are cooked you will be juicy Run away, please, there's a good, kind goosey My mouth's fairly watering - you'd better mind what you're at I do like a nibble at the 'parson's nose' so Don't stick it out like that.' |
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Words and music by Fred Murray & Fred W. Leigh - 1901 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Performed by Fred Earle (1877-1915) | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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