Miss Wilhelmina Julia Bags had long been loved by me,
I courted her at least ten years, at last, I thought that we;
Should see about being married; so I called on her one day,
To tell her I'd made up my mind and she must name the day.
I said, My dearest "Willie Bags, (I call'd her this in short.)
I've called on you to have some chat, quite serious, not in sport,
I wishes you to name the day, what day d'ye mean says she,
I mean the day, my love, gays I, when we shall married be.

Spoken - She was busily engaged making,

Chorus: Dumplings, dumplings, making Apple Dumplings
I little dreamt how much my fate
Depended on those Dumplings.

Her sleeves were turned up on her arm, an' apron round her waist,
The apples lay before her, she was moulding of the paste;
She looked so gentle and so nice, so full of kindly feeling,
You'd scarce have thought she had the heart those apples to be peeling.
She rolled her eyes, I mean the paste, then put an apple in,
She looked just like a fairy, as she used the rolling pin;
Her pretty fingers looked so nice, as she rubbed in the dripping.
And as she worked them into shape, I wished myself a pippin.

Spoken - Yes, for her sake, I felt that I could have consented to be made up into,


The dumplings were at last finished and then she turned to me,
And said that she would name the day, if I'd meet her after tea;
I promised that I'd meet her at the spot where oft we'd met,
As I left, I heard her singing, 'We may be happy yet.'
We may he happy yet.' I sung, too , as I left,
Not thinking I, of Willie's love, should ever be bereft;
I strolled about, an hour or two, I heard the clock strike one,
Said I, it's Julias dinner time, those dumplings must be done.

Spoken - It was very strange, but out of my head I could not get those,


And then I thought, she's all alone, her parents are from town,
And yet she made of dumplings, six! as sure as my name's Brown;
She surely cannot eat the lot, perhaps she'll spare me one,
I'm very fond of dumplings, too, I wonder if they're done.
Back to her house, at once I went, into the parlour flew,
But such a sight there met my eyes, I cant forget the view;
A man in uniform so grand, was sitting there in state,
And both were eating dumplings from off the self same plate.

Spoken - Yes, she was sitting on his knee, he had a fork in his hand and was viciously demolishing those,

Chorus: Dumplings, Dumplings, eating Apple Dumplings,
And more than once, I hoped he'd choke,
While eating Apple Dumplings.

Just like a dumpling done to squash, I'm sure I must have looked,
My rival was triumphant, I felt my goose was cooked;
Oh! Brown, says she, you were so long a-making up your mind,
I thought I'd have another beau; now wasnt that unkind.
They married soon and I am told, are very happy, too,
But I am still a lonely man, and don't know what to do;
I often meet them walking out, with a crowd of little young things,
They've fourteen olive branches, all as round as Apple Dumplings.

Spoken - Yes, and as I look upon them, I cannot help soliloquising in this moral style. Oh! Brown! Brown! you were done brown by that man in blue, but for procrastination, you might have been the possessor of Wilhelmina and surrounded by your own fourteen little Browns and have had the felicity of contemplating them at your own social board, swallowing with infantile and adolescent enjoyment,

Chorus: Dumplings, Dumplings, oh, those Apple Dumplings,
Think of my unhappy fate, when you eat Apple Dumplings.

Written and composed by John Nash and Arthur Lloyd
Performed by 'Jolly' John Nash (1830 - 1901)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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