There's a cove wot comes a-courtin' of our Sal,
'E ain't got not as much brains as our moke;
'Tain't no good to try an' treat 'im as a pal,
'Cos 'e is sich a chuckle-'eaded bloke!
Oh! he calls 'isself a eligible match,
Which means, I s'pose, of oof 'e's got enough,
But I tells 'im straight 'e ain't no bloomin' catch,
An all my people finks it varry rough!
Say there's three of us out walkin', sumfink's said,
"Feel thirsty?" "Yuss." "Well toss then for a drink."
Well, I lets 'im ave the tip ter drop an 'ead,
An' gives 'im jest a quiet sort o' wink!

Chorus: But 'e ain't got the shadder of a notion!
'E's jest abart as simple as a kid!
I fink 'e's short in 'is slates above.
Like a box wot's lost its lid.
'E don't understand a joke, 'e don't
'E'll turn up 'is nose at a lotion!
There's a pretty beauty for a bruvver-in-law!
Why! 'E ain't got the shadder of a notion!.

I feel certain Sal don't care a rap for 'im,
But, like a woman, fancies 'e's a toff.
Why 'e ain't ter be compared wiv Ginger Jim,
'Is manners in serciety is off.
Say on Sunday arternoon we takes a drive,
'E dosses up an' sets along o' Sal,
Why! yer wouldn't 'ardfy fink as 'e's alive,
It really makes me sorry for the gal!
There'll be eight or nine inside the donkey shay,
Bill 'Iggins arsts 'im if 'e'll sing a song?
'E gits out of toon at once, an' then 'e'll say,
It ain't 'is fault, the concertina's wrong!


Lor! 'e don't begin ter know the way ter spoon!
A bigger mug than 'im I never see!
I shall 'ave to give 'im lessons varry soon,
I've never seen 'im set 'er on 'is knee!
If 'e takes 'er out 'e offers 'er 'is arm,
Don't kiss 'er as 'e walks along the street,
Ter be seen an' envied courtin's 'alf the charm!
Yer'd never fink as 'im an' 'er was sweet.
It's the talk all down our alley, quite the joke,
Why can't 'e take a tip from me an' Loo?
For of course them there attentions from 'er bloke,
Is what a lady looks on as 'er doo!


Written and composed by Steve Leggett, Albert Chevalier & Bond Andrews
Performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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