I allays wos a kind and symperfetic sort o' bloke
Wot never treats anuvver chap's misfortunes as a joke
The boys was tellin' me just nah, quite in a laughin' way
That my old pal Bob Smifkins, 'e was tied up yesterday
'Stop grinnin'', says I wiv a cuss, 'This news is werry serious
Who's 'e married? pon my life. Who kidded him to take a wife?'

Chorus: 'Well, 'e 'as my symperfy, 'e 'as my symperfy
I know just 'ow 'e feels, I've bin frough these ordeals
'E wasn't aht o' work, I know - it fairly puzzles me
Nah, wot's 'e want to marry for? 'e 'as my symperfy.'

A ugly chap I've no doubt 'as 'is trials and cares to meet
The kids might take 'im for a guy as 'e walks dahn the street
But, mark my words, the troubles that 'e 'as are simply jokes
Compared wiv those wot's gone frough, nah, by real good-looking blokes
For every donah that they meet makes eyes, and if they ain't discreet
It's breach o' promise or a rah. Good-looking chaps, I tell yer nah,

Chorus: 'That yer 'as my symperfy, yer 'as my symperfy
I know just 'ow yer feels, I've bin frough these ordeals
When all the gals are arter yer, it's tiring you'll agree
Yuss, 'andsome fellers like meself. Well, yer 'as my symperfy.

I 'ates those agitating blokes wot jaws on politics
And talks abaht the poor man's wrongs and all those silly tricks
'Tain't all gay in 'igh life - Take the Prince o' Wales's lot
If I wos in 'is shoes, I know I'd go clean off my dot
'E's wanted 'ere, 'e's wanted there, meetings, speeches to prepare
Or layin' some fahndation stone, 'e don't get no time on 'is own.

Chorus: Well, 'e 'as my symperfy, 'e 'as my symperfy
I know just 'ow 'e feels, I've bin frough these ordeals
Concerts, dinners, dress and Court. Tired of it 'e must be
P'r'aps 'as to wash free times a day. Well, 'e 'as my symperfy.

Performed by Gus Elen (1862-1940)
Written and composed by Carl Howard & George Everard - 1899
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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