It was always my ambition
To obtain a good position
And to emulate the magnates of the day
And it's really most surprising
How my hopes are realising
For I've struck a little mine that's come to stay
I'm an agent by profession
But, avoiding retrogression
I agentise in everything I can
From cooks to public speakers
And from actors to Gazekas
I run the biggest biz that ever ran.

I supply in great variety
All the needs in high society
Fromcaddy to a gushing guinea guest
I've footmen tall and stately
Who can foot it most sedately
And butlers who can buttle with the best
I funish halls baronial
And in matters matrimonial
I've made the biggest hit that can be made
If a lady wants a partner
Who will please and not dishearten'er
I'll send him on to order carriage paid
So if you lack employment or you're wanting to employ
You needn't wait or wander very far
You simply come to me, I take my little fee
Put you on the books and there you are.
Written and performed by Archie Naish
Also performed by Harry Fragson (1869-1913)
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