I've got a pal. well, 'e calls 'isself a pal
And I always thought Jim was a decent sort
But I draws the line callin' 'im a pal o' mine
'Cos 'e's took me down, fairly done me brown
I don't think a pal should take a liberty
Sich a liberty as Jim as gone an' took with me
When 'e fell out 'o graft, 'Jim, my lad' says I
I can put you up while for work you looks about.'
'Right you are,' says 'e, I takes 'im 'ome wi' me
And now there ain't no movin' of 'im out - Won't go!

Chorus: 'E's' takin' a mean advantage of my generosity
No kid, sich behaviour ain't all it ought to be
I'd like to 'ave a fight wiv 'im
But I don't know much about pugilosity
One of us 'ud get the worst of it and it might be me.

Fust week that 'e came and stopped along 'o me
(That was months ago) 'e was most perlite, yer know
But, lor bless yer 'eart, 'e was 'ankin from the start
Borrered lots of bobs - went to look fer jobs
'E told me 'is luck was absolutely bad
'Cos the only jobs 'e wanted other people 'ad
I goes and says to 'im, 'Make yerself at 'ome'
And 'e's done it, too, sure as one and two are three
For, upon my life, I sort o' think the wife
Believes a lot more now of 'im than me - I do


Me and the wife used to lead a 'appy life
When my work was done, straight for 'ome I used to run
When I'd 'ad my tea, there was 'er and there was me
Sittin' side by side, and I never tried
To go out alone as lots o' fellers do
Not without I 'ad the missis's permission to
Last night when I goes 'ome, ev'rybody's out
But I find a note from the missis, and it said
'Jim amd me's all gay - we've gone to see the play
And we'll be late, so you can go to bed - Good Night!'

Performed by Alec Hurley (1871-1913)
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