My nerves are very delicate, so when I hear a tale
Of silly things that some folks do it makes my blood turn pale
A bulletin I got last night quite took me down a peg
What Jones did when his ma-in-law fell down and broke her leg.

Chorus: Fancy that! - Fancy that!
Instead of leeaving her upon the mat
He rushed off in a fright,
And offered Doctor White
Fifty quid to put it right, fancy that!

Some sausages I dined on once were really very rude
They came into my room and never said, 'Do we intrude?'
One sausage got sarcastic - but I quickly stopped his game
I threw him in the water-butt to drown, but back he came.

Chorus: Fancy that! - Fancy that!
And after he had killed our Persian cat
He came in the house by gosh,
Very wet with splash and splosh
And tried to pinch my macintosh, fancy that!

When I'm put out I get upset, but courage I don't lack
When in a rage it takes a dozen men to hold me back
While winning well a six foot man called my ancesters low
I said, 'You worm' and then the brute gave me a cowards blow.

Chorus: Fancy that! - Fancy that!
I really felt inclined to break his hat
But I heard a voice say, 'Here,
Revenge is sweet - but drink is dear.'
So I went and drank his beer, fancy that!

I'm not a drunkard, alcoholic mixtures I abhor
Light wines - say sherbet water - are the things I go in for
Last week our landlord died - and so forgot to call for rent
The blow drove me to drink - so rather rocky home I went

Chorus: Fancy that! - Fancy that!
I remember being chased home by a cat
But next morning they told me this,
That I'd called a p'liceman Miss
And I gave my wife a kiss, fancy that!

Written and composed by C.G. Cotes & G. Robey - 1900
Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
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