I'm a highwayman, I'm a terrible case
A terrible case with a terrible face
I'm a highwayman, as I told you before
When I rob man he aways shouts 'Encore'.

Chorus: Three cheers for fearless McGirkin
McGirkin, McGirkin
When Fearless McGirkin is working
He rides a cockhorse to Banbury Cross
He's got big rings on his fingers
And corns upon his toes
He's got such a wonderfull record, so he
Has gramophone music wherever he goes.

I'm a highwayman, there are low-weightmen, too
Yes, low-weight-men too, I'll explain
Now the highwayman robs you body and soul
But the low-weight-man gives you short weight in your coal



Have I been a highwaynman long, sir?
Well, not more than five feet two
I'd have been longer than that, very likely
But you see I was born in a queue.
I was always a bit of a robber
At the age of one and three quarters
I murdered our old buck rabbit
And eloped with two of his daughters.
I'm a devil amongst the ladies
Why, at the age of three and a half
I used to chase our poor old cow
For a look at the fatted calf.
Do I work at this job for a living?
And why do I carry this knife?
Oh, just to pick my teeth while I'm saying
'Your money or your life'
Have I killed anyone's missus?
Well, last week I killed twenty two
Or was it thirty or forty or fifty
There'll be one more when I've killed you.
Was it I robbed the Royal Mail, sir?
Was it I, gadzoks, what of the such
Was it I robbed the horse of its false teeth?
Very likely, I don't think, not much.
I'll tell you, lady, just how it happened
When the Mail Cart left Buckingham Street
I recieved information by wireless
It was loaded with coupons for meat.
Did I hesitate? Captain, don't ask me
The shock of the news made me shriek
Meat coupons, man, meat coupons, missus
And I'd lived on Bile Beans for weeks.
So I brought the mare out of the stable
I saddled her up, Mrs Brown
Yes, that night I saddled her up, sir
Though some nights i've saddled her down.
Well, I rode down the road on my mare, man
I cried, 'Bess, though your heart may break
We must capture the van and the coupons for meat
Think, Bess, what's at chop and at steak.'
I outflanked the Mail Cart at Leeds, sir
At the corner of Coburgh Street
I pulled down the driver and gagged him
And then cut off his retreat.
Written and composed by Jack Foley
Performed by Harry Weldon (1881-1930)
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