Two labouring men were walking down the road one day
They both were out of work, and not a penny piece had they
Said Pat, 'Now, if to find a five-pound-note I did contrive
I'd never go to work again as long as I'm alive
The best of food and drink I'd buy for all poor working men.'
'And I'd do just the same,' said Mick, 'For I'd have two-pounds-ten.'

Chorus: Said Pat, 'The fiver's mine.' 'Och'said Mickey,'Well I want half.'
And they argued till some people gathered round
Then they took their coats and waistcoats off
And started fighting there
For the five-pound-note they never found.

Said Pat, 'I'll buy a bank and drive a splendid jaunting car
I'll live at some hotel, and smoke a sixpenny cigar.'
'I'll buy a lovely feather bed,' said Mickey with a grin
'And go to sleep, get up and eat, and go to sleep ag'in
The Pat flew in a temper,'You're a big gossoon,' said he
'And for your blazing cheek you won't get tuppence out of me.'

Chorus: Said Pat, 'The fiver's mine.' 'Och'said Mickey,'Well I want half.'
And soon the pair were rolling on the ground
There was Patsy with the broken nose,
And Mick with two black eyes
Through the five-pound-note they never found.

The fun was fast and furious, the fighting it was grand
Till presently a policeman came and took them both in hand
Next morn before the magistrate they stood with faces sad
They looked just like two scarecrows, and they both were sore and bad
The Judge said, 'What's the row about?' And Mickey answered then
'If Patsy found a five-pound-note, should I have two-pounds-ten?'

Chorus: Said Pat, 'The fiver's mine.' 'Och' said Mickey, 'Well I want half.'
The magistrate said sternly, as he frowned
'I shall give you fourteen days apiece unless you pay the fine
With the five-pound-note you never found.'
Written and composed by A. J. Mills & B. Scott - 1904
Performed by Michael Nolan (1867-1910)
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