At twelve the other morning I was waiting for a tram
When a gentleman approached and stared a lot
Said he, 'If I'd your figure I should go upon the stage.'
But I blushed and murmured, 'Satan, tempt me not.'
Still eventually I yielded and went on in pantomime
And the gall'ry boys encouraged me with eggs
So the gov'nor said, 'In future wear a bolster in your blouse
And be sure and get some padding for your legs

Chorus: For fourteen and sixpence a week
I'd to pose in the glare of the lights
For fourteen and sixpence a week
I'd to stitch up the holes in my tights
In my little tin hat, I'd to march round, you see
And whilst all the supers were yelling at me
The audience kept shouting out rude things at me
For fourteen and sixpence a week.

I fainted in the gov'nor's arms, said he, 'I'm busy now
In the second act come off and faint again
And immediately you've fainted, if your not attended to
You must interview the call boy and complain.'
Then the wardrobe mistress shouted to me, 'Gladys, hurry up
For the Palace Scene at once please go and dress
With a troupe of wrestling ladies you must go and show your skill
In a brief athletic costume, more or less.

Chorus: 'For fourteen and sixpence a week
In the troupe every night you'll be found
For fourteen and sixpence a week
You'll be picked up and dashed to the ground
The master a japanese wrestler is he
First he'll jujitsu you, and then me, d'yer see?'
I said, 'Missis, he'll put no half-Nelson on me
For my fourteen and sixpence a week

The panto season finished, then I tried dramatic art
Where the hero on my neck would gasp and groan
He'd kiss me twice, then say, 'We must elaborate this scene
Don't you think we'd best reherse it on our own?'
Then the comic man would practice breaking plates upon my head
And when I'd gone through all his harmless fun
Along with Goss, the villain, to the Cross Roads I'd to go
(That's the place where all the dirty work is done.)

Chorus: For fourteen and sixpence a week
I'd to sigh like a sweet country maid
For fourteen and sixpence a week
In the 'Strangler's of Paris' I played
On Fridays I'd strangle the villain, Joe Goss
For the thousands of pounds that he'd got on the cross
And on Saturday nights I'd have to strangle the boss
For my fourteen and sixpence a week.
Written and composed by C.W. Murphy & Dan Lipton - 1910
Performed by Jack Pleasants (1874-1924)
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