Through life an old chum and I sailed in two boats
We both went one way till we'd sown our wild oats
And then we determined to each take a wife
And we'd thus end our days in the comforts of life
In search of our brides to a ballroom we heid
Where two most delightful young girls we espied
They looked just like sisters, we asked, they said, 'Yes'
And one wore what folks call a plain cotton dress
The one in silks held up her head, and then to my old chum I said,

Chorus: 'Give me the girl in the plain cotton dress
With the bright blue eyes
Give me the girl in the plain cotton dress
Then I'm in Paradise
Keep all your silks and satins
My mind they never impress
Give me the dear little, sweet little, neat little
Girl in the plain cotton dress.'

My friend had five hundred pounds left in the bank
I had but a hundred or so, to be frank
I told the fair maid in the plain cotton dress
Asking her to be mine, and her answer was yes
My pal then determined that he would propose
To the sister in silks, whose unladylike nose
Turned up to the sky, and she looked with a sneer
Till she heard of his wealth, then she called him her dear
I made a bet, if we got wed, that I'd bless the night when I said,


Before a month passed we had laid out our plans
We'd purchased our homes and we'd put up the banns
And in a few weeks we were finally wed
And a month after that my chum wished he were dead
The sister in silks craved for dresses and rings
And soon spent his money in diamonds and things
They're parted, he's seeking to get a divorce
And I've won my bet, as a matter of course
My hundred pounds now is a 'thou'
And as I said then, I say now,

Written and composed by Joseph Tabrar - 1903
Performed by Walter Stockwell
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