GOOD FOR NOTHING | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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In my childhood days my mother used to say that I was good - so good She used to think that I would be a parson by and by, so good - so good She got so very curious that she could not resist Taking me one day to a phrenologist She said to him, 'I want you please to tell me, if you can What Johnny will be good for when he gets to be a man.' And this was his report, Refrain: He said, 'boy's head too thick - like brick No brain, that's plain, poor lot! crack pot! Yes, ma'am, I am sure he will be good - for nothing!' I was once clean gone on a fascinating Miss, so good - so good. I clapped my heels and hollered, when she let me have a kiss, that's good, so good. She told me she'd got money, and of course at once I said 'You're the only girl in the world that I could wed.' She flung her arms around my neck and kissed me black and blue We married - ah! but long before the honeymoon was through Well, this was my report, Refrain: Sad life! my wife spoofed me badly Her bank - all 'swank' no quids, ten kids She'd got, nice lot! you know, all so, good for nothing. At the races once I was on the winning horse, so good! so good I went up to the 'bookie' and I drew the 'oof' of course, felt good quite good I felt so very jolly with my pockets full of cash Took the train to London, thought I'd like to cut a dash I went into a bar and on the counter put my tin The guv'nor came and looked at it and then he did a grin And this was his report, Refrain: This lot, all rot, you stop! fetch slop Slop came, saw game, pinched me smartly Picked some oakum. My brass no class, good for nothing. I shall ne'er forget when I smoked my first cigar. It looked so good I took it in the cellar out of sight of my papa, so good, so good It didn't cost me much, you know, a penny was the charge Struck a match, lit up and felt so very fine and large I puffed away serenely, but a little later on Papa came down and found me, and said, 'What's the matter John?' Refrain: 'Oh Papa! cigar - strong smoke! no joke! So queer, just here - half dead.' I said No more - oh lor! - see? 'cos I was good for nothing. |
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Performed by Johnny Worman | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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