I've got a large house and I've also a wife
(We've all got our troubles I know)
It's twenty to one she is waiting for me
When home from my bus'ness I go
We sit in the parlour like two turtle-doves
And chat on events of the day
Last night we sat there in the usual spot
When I said to her, 'By the way,

Chorus: Has anyone been asking for me?
She said, 'yes, they've been for the rent, dear.'
Said I, 'What? how dare a man ask for his rent?
I'll show the old devil! he shan't have a cent
The wicked old blackguard to call
I'll let the old crocodile see.'
Then the wife's mother came in the room and exclaimed,
'Has anyone been asking for me?'

I went in a cafe one night with a friend
For supper by way of a treat
We'd soup, we had fish and some shoulder of lamb
And then we had something to eat
The soup was supposed to be oyster, they said
We couldn't find one, I declare
I yelled 'Waiter, waiter' at last he arrived
And said with an off-handed air,

Chorus: Has anyone been asking for me?
I said, 'Yes, come here half a minute
We can't find the oysters in this soup, old man
We'd like to see you find a few if you can.'
The old fellow picked up a spoon
And stirred up the soup, do you see
Then one poor little oyster popped up and exclaimed,
'Has anyone been asking for me?'

I love the antique - that's the reason I choose
A pal with a bric-a-brac face
We both went to view an old castle one day
An antediluvian place
We asked for the fellow to show us around
And waited for quite a long while
At last the old fossil arrived on the scene
And said, with a cynical smile,

Chorus: Has anyone been asking for me?
I said, 'Yes, can we see the castle?'
He showed us the curious relics so rare
Said I, 'That's a beautiful harp over there!'
The old chap said, 'That's not a harp,
It's a lyre, young man can't y you see?
It's a lyre,' and a p'liceman who stood by remarked,
'Has anyone been asking for me?'

I took Major Brown home to dinner one night
I'll own it was hardly discreet
The wife said, 'What made yer bring Major Brown home?
You know we've got nothing to eat.'
Said I, 'Yes, I've brought in a chicken, my dear
I won in a raffle today.'
When dinner was ready we sat down to dine
I said to the wife, 'By the way,

Chorus: Has anyone been asking for me?'
She said, 'No, go on , carve the chicken.'
I tugged at that bird, while the old Major told
His stories of battle and warriors bold
Said he, 'Where's the dear old brigade,
The brave heroes of '73?'
Then the chicken stood up on one leg and exclaimed,
'Has anyone been asking for me?'
Written and composed by Frank Leo - 1902
Performed by Wilkie Bard (1874-1944)
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