The most irritating,
Chap I've come acrost,
Is a party,
'Ale an' 'earty
Wiv a brain unduly forced,
There's nuffink as 'e's ever 'eard,
As 'e cant tell you, word for word,
An' kid yer 'e's the author
Hif yer contradict, y're sauced,

Refrain: 'E hasn't got a mind,
Not a mind to call 'is own,
Nor a thought of any kind,
As 'e's thought aht all alone,
'Is hideas is second'and so to speak, d'yer understand
'E ain't a man at all, 'e's a bloomin' hecho.

P'raps 'e's condescendin'
Starts attendin'
Meetin's in a 'all,
'E'll upset 'em,
Quickly get 'em
Fightin', backs agin the wall!
'Don't talk ter me' sez 'e, 'I know,
'I've worked it aht, it's so an' so.'
They take him for a genius,
When it's nuffink but 'is gall!


If I caught 'im trippin'
Lor', I'd nip in,
Nip in like a bird!
To expose 'im,
As I knows 'im,
But ter think of that's absurd!
You can't dispute, it ain't no good
Altho' I've often thought I would!
I shouldn't come in second,
Bit of luck to git in third!


Written and composed by Albert Chevalier & Alfred H. West
Performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
From Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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