He's Gone Where The Coals Are Cheaper

HE'S GONE WHERE THE COALS ARE CHEAPER

A friend of mine, a publican, began the other day
To see how much wealth he could save, and started right away
He got rid of his Missis and he got rid of the cat
Ate nothing for a fortnight and three months after that.

Chorus: Now he's gone where the coals are cheaper
And the drinks are all bespoke
And instead of lining up for cheese,
They all line up for coke.

Mc Ginty took a 'flying trip', when five miles in the air
The pilot turned around to him and asked him for his fare
Mc Ginty said, 'I've lost my purse, shure, it's no use to talk
I'm going down the quickest way - I'll get outside and walk.'

Chorus: And he's gone where the coals are cheaper
And coalmen, it is said
Don't make you pay top price for coal
And give you slate instead.

Old Dough Nut was a baker, and, as bread was rising higher
He bought a patent oven to economise the fire
One day, it didn't seem as hot as ovens ought to be
He didn't want to spoil his batch so, got inside to see.

Chorus: And he's gone where the coals are cheaper
And burglars get their dues
And sergeant-majors go to learn
The language that they use.

Bill Jones was out of work, and though that was his worst of crimes
To get work at the Labour Exchange he'd called a hundred times
One morning, when he walked in there, as reg'lar as the clock
And they said, 'Yes, they'd got a job.' It gave him such a shock.

Chorus: That he's gone where the coals are cheaper
Where no one gets cold feet
Red noses are a luxury
And chilblains quite a treat.

Said Pat, 'I've learnt a new trick, now a cannon ball I'll stop
I saw some fellow catching 'em as they came over the top
He got his pals to fire one, while he shouted, 'That's the stuff,
Now, see me catch that cannon ball.' He caught it right enough.

Chorus: And he's gone where the coals are cheaper
Baked 'tater cans, they ban
And the one that makes a fortune
Is the Hokey Pokey man.

Written and Composed by T.W. Connor - 1918