I always make a practice ev'ry night of calling at a pub I know
One night a certain lady came in there, and some fellow said,'What Ho.'
There he was talking to the sweet young thing, I couldn't though I tried
Thought I, 'When he's gone, I'll mash that girl.' so as he went out I cried,

Chorus: 'Hey! Are you coming back again?
Hey! Are you coming back again?
If not, I'll get on with the kisses.'
But he said, 'What the why. That girl's my missis.'
Then he punched my nose, I got smack after smack
Then he knocked me on the floor, and as he went through the door
I said, 'Hey! Are you coming back?'

Round our way we had a restaurant belonging to a German cove
He ran the shanty for about six years, and made some money, by Jove
He's now retired, and he's gone back home across to the German side
My pals and I went to see him sail, as the ship moved off, we cried,

Chorus: 'Hey! Are you coming back again?
Hey! Are you coming back again?
Think of the oof that you made over here
With your ice cream and German Lager Beer
But he said, 'Vell, I'm on mine homevard track
I have made some money, sure, if I vant to make some more
Vell then, I'm coming back.'

I went to India with the wife one year, where they say mosquitoes bite
I didn't see any, but just as bad, I dreamt of them every night
One seemed to bite me in my beauty sleep, he was on mischief bent
I tried to catch him, but he hopped off, so I called out as he went,

Chorus: 'Hey! Are you coming back again?
Hey! Are you coming back again?
I chased him all round with the water-jug
But he bobbed down, and said, 'Well, you are a mug
You can't catch me. You haven't got the knack
I'll stay with you for life, I'm just going to bite your wife
And then! I'm coming back.'

I've got an uncle, he's a good old age, eighty seven years today
Once he was crossing over Regent Street, when by came a brewer's dray
That knocked him down, and ran across his legs, some thought the old chap dead
The driver turned round, and he cried, 'Look out' but the old man only said,

Chorus: Why! Are you coming back again?
Why! Are you coming back again?
I don't see why you want to wrangle
For they're my own legs that you've tried to mangle
But the driver said, 'This job'll get me the sack
Get out of the way you fool.' But the old man, very cool
Said, 'Why, are you coming back?'
Written and composed by Frank Leo
Performed by Wilkie Bard (1874-1944)
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