I suppose you read the papers and you've read of Uncle Bill
He's the one who died and left me all the money in his Will
Now I've got a Lord in love with me, and straight, it was a treat
The first time that I showed him to the neighbours down our street
He's six foot and ferocious looking, still he's very tame
I nearly get the lock-jaw each time I try to say his name
I know it starts with Claude, and then it finishes with Brown
But it's like a recitation so I've had to write it down.

Chorus: Lord Claude, John, James, Marmeduke, Percival, Fitzhenry Brown
He's going to marry me, take me in society
And when I'm tied to him I'll be Lady Mary Ann
And you'll hear me introducing him to everyone I meet
As His Lordship - My old man.

Oh I shan't forget the morning that his Lordship did propose
For he kissed me on the doorstep, several times upon the nose
And as soon as I consented to become 'M Lady Brown
He kissed me on the dimple twice - then borrowed half a crown
A coronet upon my head will make the people stare
I'll look a perfect lady with diamonds in my hair
He says he'll take me up to Court, he's used to all it's ways
But the last time I went up to Court, I just dodged seven days.


Since I've worn these low-necked dresses, well I feel so out of place
And I have to wash my neck now every time I wash my face
I've to speak so 'as-tro-scratch-it' when his Lordships is in sight
'Cos he speaks in seven languages and fourteen when he's tight
When he said he was a belted Earl, around his waist I felt
And I got a trifle upset 'cos I couldn't find his belt
He says he's going to be a Duke, and when the name he takes
Then I shall be a Duchess, and our children little 'Drakes'.

Performed by Vesta Victoria (1874-1951)
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