I had a little garden, a pretty little thing,
Which used to sleep the winter through and wake up with the spring.
I had a little garden, with flowers rare I set it,
And then one night when all was still the cat got in and ate it!

There were violets and violins and vile things of many kinds,
Tiger-lilies, water-lilies, piccalilies too,
French beans, broad beans, Bile Beans for biliousness,
Lots of han(d)som(e) cabbages and turnips not a few.

Green peas, split peas, M.P.s and other kinds,
Ev’ry sort of berry (or cremation if preferred)
Blue-bells, hare-bells, dumb-bells, dinner-bells;
A model of a garden you can take my word.

There was celery and Pommery and Heidsieck and other brands,
Yellow aster, China aster, Waldorf Astor too,
Fig-trees, plum-trees, Haw-treys and Beerbohm Trees,
Water cress and whiskey cress, I leave the choice to you.

Onions, bunions, cornflow’r and arrow-root,
Marigolds and marriages, divorces too as well;
Moss-rose, dog-rose, cat-rose, bloater roes,
Ev’rything that grows on earth and ought to grow – in the other place!

I had a little garden and countless yards of hose,
Which used to give me shower baths an spoil my pretty clothes!
I had a little garden, a motor car one day
Looked in and breathed upon it, and it faded quite away.
Written and Performed by Lawrence Hanray
Performed by Tom Clare (1876-1946)
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