My old mother used to say, 'If a bit of coal you see,
Throw it over your shoulder and find how lucky you will be.'
I saw a lump one day in the road, as heavy as a lump of lead,
I picked it up and threw it over, just like mother said.

Chorus: But I had no luck that day, when I threw that coal away,
For a great big chap he was passing by,
And the coal hit him a wallop in the eye.
I did not know at first that it hit that chap a whack
By the pain I felt in the middle of my belt
He must have thrown it back.

My wife's very fond of me, and the lodger chap as well
I told Brown, and he said, "Do what I did with my old gal.
I left her home with the lodger once.
They ran away, to my delight.'
So I went out that morn, and thought
She'd 'hop' before the night.

Chorus: But I had no luck that day, for she didn't run away,
For she'd gone to bed when I had a peep.
And all night long she was talking in her sleep
Now, she knows my name is Bill
But she kept on shouting Jack.
So, without a doubt, with the lodger she'd been out
But he must have brought her back.

Our old cat we called him Nick, 'Nicky' was his nick nick name,
And with all the lady cats 'Nicky' used to have a game.
I took him out one day for a walk
Forget it, - oh I never shall,
I tied a brick to old Nick's neck
And dropped him in the canal

Chorus: But I had no luck that day, though I thought it was 'all gay'
For when I got home,oh, I did perspire
A strange cat there was sitting by the fire
I thought I knew his face
Though he looked so pale and black
Then I knew 'twas Nicky, for I recognised the brick
So he must have brought it back.

Performed by Johnny Danvers (1860-1939)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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