I'm very short tempered as most of you know
I fight like a bull-dog when once I'm let go
Outside a big tailor's shop down in the square
I noticed a tall fellow standing up there
As he seemed a quiet sort of chap
I thought here's my chance for a scrap.

Chorus: So I took off my coat to begin
And I planted him one on the chin
The crowd started cheering as he gave me a frown
The tailor rushed out and he said, 'You big clown,
Do you know that's my dummy you've gone and knocked down
So I put on my coat and went home.

My relations once, just to keep me from harm
Sent me to reside on a small country farm
I said to the farmer, 'My wages I'll earn
I don't know a lot but I'm willing to learn'
Said he, 'Well you better start now
Take this stool and milk the brown cow.'

Chorus: So I took off my coat to begin
And I picked up the stool with a grin
I'd been there an hour when the farmer, quite cool
Said, 'Haven't you milked her?' I said, 'You're a fool
I can't get the cow to sit down on the stool'
He said, 'Put on your coat and go home.'

I work at a large theatre down in the town
For showing the lime-light I get half a crown
I follow the hero with each coloured hue
And a lot of folks think I'm the best of the two
One night we produced a new play
I went in the usual way.

Chorus: And I took off my coat to begin
The play was the 'Woman of Sin'
A lady came on with a girl about three
'Oh where is the Father of my child?' said she
I said, 'Missus, you're not going to blame it on me'
And I put on my coat to go home.

A spiritualist at the top of our street
Has caused a sensation with all the elite
Last night I called on him and he said to me
'Is there anybody that you'd like to see?'
I said, 'Uncle Joe' He said 'Right'
Then he left me and switched off the light

Chorus: So I took off my coat to begin
And I knocked till the table fell in
Then Uncle knocked back, it was him I could tell
I said, 'Something's burning, I know by the smell'
He said, 'Yes, it's me I've got lodgings in... well!'
I said, 'Put on your coat and go home'
Written and composed by William Hargreaves & James Hargreaves
Performed by George Formby Snr. (1875-1921)
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