All kinds of fun and frolics too, I meet with night and day,
And yet from all of it I have to tear myself away,
The girls again, I always meet, are something sweet, I vow,
Oh! couldn't I enjoy myself, if I were single now.

SPOKEN - Yes, now I'm married and settled, I come across no end of chances for real enjoyment, when I was single, things were as dull as ditch water, it's cruel to be tantalized in this manner, now a fellow's running in double harness and when I see my old, single members going out for a regular breakdown, that's the time when I feel as though,

Chorus: I should like to, I should like to
And sorry I am to say shan't,
But the fact is, yes the fact is,
I'm married alas and I can't.

Some Jolly Dogs they called on me, 'tis just a week ago,
And with them on a trip, at once, They said that I must go;
Of course they all seemed greatly vexed and savage quite to find,
That I could not their frolic but had to stay at home.

SPOKEN - They said, 'This won't do, old fellow, you must come, for we're going to have a genuine flare up, and no mistake.' I'm very sorry, my dear boys,' was my gloomy reply, 'but it really can't be managed, she's in the next room but of course I should wish you thorogh to understand, that,


One night last week, I overtook a lady tall and fair,
Oh, hazel were her beaming eyes and golden was her hair,
This fair one I, alittle while, in doubt and silence eyed,
But soon we both to spooning got, in walking side by side.

SPOKEN - Yes, this dear little creature and I, soon got on very good terms and at last she said, 'Won't you take me to the theatre?' 'Eh! ah!' said I, 'I'm grieved to observe that you're asking an impossibility, I am utterly powerless to manage it, though I can really assure you that,


But now I must conclude my song and toddle off with speed,
Or otherwise, I feel convinced, there'll be a row indeed,
For Mary Jane, my vixen wife, is waiting close at hand,
And rows with her I do declare, are more than I can stand.

SPOKEN - Yes, ladies, I must now bid you adieu, I trust you will not ask me to sing again, as my wife is so awfully jealous, altho' as far as I'm personally concerned you know,


Written and composed by T. Garland & E. Solomon
Performed by George Leybourne (1842-1884)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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