I came up, you know, for the great dairy show
And see a few sights about town
But strange p'r'aps to say, on the very first day
I gained for my self some renown
A creature in mauve I met in the Grove
It's Westbourne Grove down by the Oak
A lady she was, I know so because
In accents the sweetest she spoke.

Chorus: 'And lend me a cab fare, Sammy
Now won't you, there's a dear
Well, buy me a baked potato
I feel so awfully queer
Your eyes are so dreadfully wicked
Oh kissing I couldn't allow
You might have done so a few months ago
But I'm living with mother now.'

With a dear Aunt of mine, I went out to dine
At a cafe called Monico
And dined Table d'hote, with people of note
A Duke and a Countess also
My Auntie knew lots and called them 'cracked pots'
And a curate she knew there as well
Who called Aunt away and strange by the way
How I lost her I never could tell.


Now strange to relate, last week rather late
I found myself near Charing Cross
And wanted to go somewhere Eastward 'ho
But find it, I was at a loss
To a lady so grand I saw in the Strand
I said, 'Am I near Waterloo?'
She said, 'Pretty dear, you are very near
As a josser I think you will do.'


My Aunt never came, she missed the last train
And I thought to save a cab fare
Made for the last bus at Regent Cir-cus
But strange was the sight I saw there
Some ladies looked glad and others looked sad
They'd never been out late before
I heard them say so, could see it, you know
When they rushed for the omnibus door.


Written and composed by T. S. Lonsdale & William George Eaton - 1881
Performed by Arthur Roberts (1852-1933)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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