I'm the softest guy around the town
People say I'm rocky in the crown
Doing odd jobs don't get folks a fortune in a hurry
I've got my own ideas on that, so I should worry
Just because I've never been to school
I'm looked on as nothing but a fool
But being wise like other folks, I found it didn't pay
So I simply take no notice when they say.

Chorus: I'm not all there
There's something missing
I'm not all there
So the folks declare
They call me Loo by Loo by
Nothing but a great big booby
Point and say, 'That's where you want it,
And that's just where I've got it'
I know they think I'm slow
But let them think, let them think - I don't care.

Sometimes I run errands for the folks up at the Grange
With a five-pound note they trust me, perhaps you think that strange
But they never fetch a policeman when I say I've lost the change
Cos I'm not supposed to be all there.

Courting couples in the Park on any night you'll find
If you stare they break away, for love's not always blind
But they let me stand and watch them and they never seem to mind
Cos I'm not supposed to be all there.

Fellows kissing other fellows girls are in for it
Ten to one they'll be a fight and someone will get hit
But when I kiss other fellow's girls, they never mind a bit
Cos I'm not supposed to be all there.

All the local bookies say I'm up the chimneystack
If I back a winner they give me more than my whack
If I ever back a loser, they give me my money back
Cos I'm not supposed to be all there.

All my folks are potty just like me
They've retired and live in luxury
Acting soft and foolish, they beat all the wise ones hollow
So their example was the only thing to follow
Some folks go to work to earn their dough
I earn twice as much and never go
That I've been barmy since my birth I'm willing to confess
But there's method in my madness none-the-less.

Performed by Ella Shields (1879-1952)
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