or 'The Doctor's Daughter'

"Throw, physic to the dogs," some say,
But that I never did.
For I, beneath the nauseous dose,
Found some sweet sugar hid.
When for my wife I tried to gain
A doctors daughter fair;
And sudden illness used to feign,
My way just to prepare.

Spoken - Now I never could get over that girls name, for her eccentric father, instead of having her christen'd by any of the names peculiar to the fair sex, insisted on calling her after, one of the bottles in his surgery.
I always forget the name, but its something like,

Chorus: Ip-e-cac-u, Ip-e-cac-u,
Ip-e-cac-u, Ip-e-cac-u,

Now in her fathers surgery,
This girl wouId work away,
A female doctor, as I've heard,
She hoped to be some day;
To walk the hospitals resolved
Like 'Mary Walker' she,
Made out his bills, mixed up his pills,
And nicely physic'd me.


Next down upon my knees I went,
To her my love confessed:
And of my passion long concealed,
I soon made a clean breast;
Said I, sweet girl my malady
Much pain makes me endure;
My hearts affected, and for me
There only is one cure.

Spoken - And that sweet maiden is no ordinary, remedy neither Cockle's Pills, nor Battles Vermin-killer, Glenfield Patent Starch or Barber's poison'd wheat, the only thing, sweet maiden, calculated to alleviate my suffering is,


Said she, my answer's, no,
For I'm to marry not inclined:
My mission, sir, don't think me cruel,
Is to dissect mankind.
I rush'd away, that very day,
They took me home to bed;
And as I madly tore my hair,
The brutes they shaved my head.

Spoken - Yes, they took off all my hair, all my curly locks gone at one fell svoop, I must have been mad to let them shave me in that way; they say that when I was delirious I thought I was a cane-bottom'd chair and trembled in case anyone would sit down on me, then I thought I was an Omnibus, 2d all the way and never was happy till I heard the Conductor cry out that I was full inside and every day at a certain hour I used to try and sing.


Since then she's risen in the world,
And taken her degree;
And in America has gained
The title of M. D.
The other day she sent me word,
If ill, I might rely,
On her, for drugs at wholesale price,
And a liberal supply (of)


Written and composed by W.W. Thornton & Arthur Lloyd - 1873
Performed by Arthur Lloyd (1840 - 1904)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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