Gertie dear's a pretty barmaid, who's as tricky as they are made
Serving in a luncheon bar, not far from here
And a regular howling 'swellah' little love-vows used to tell her
As he whispered in her confidential ear
He said, 'When's your night out ducky?
Eh, tomorrow? oh, that's lucky,
Shall I came and meet you, eh, my little pet?
If you'll only say the word, love
I'll take you out like a bird, love
And we'll have a high old time of it, you bet.'

Chorus: So she donned her best attire, which was something to admire
And waited for the beau to make a call
But his wife, who'd 'bowled ' him, maybe
Kept him in to nurse the baby
So, you see, it didn't come off after all

Twelve long years ago my sister wed a smart young City 'Mister'
And of presents she received a decent few
Quite a lot of fun and joking, one nice present was provoking
'Twas a dainty little cradle, trimmed with blue
Cousin John had been and bought it, and quite suitable he thought it
Well, you know, our Cousin's not exactly slow
So, of course my sister kept it, when he murmured , 'Pray accept it
You are sure to want it later on, you know.'

Chorus: But the years go rolling on to the grief of Cousin John
And no stranger's ever made a call
Tho' we thought they might have many,
They don't look like having any
So, you see, it didn't come off after all.

Once, a loving pair were going, with their gentle hearts a-glowing
For a honeymoon, out in some foreign part
Full of keen anticipation, for, when they got to the station
He had booked a 'special' first 'cause he was smart
But the bride got rather fussy, said,'I feel so hungry, Gussie
You might get a sandwich and a stout, my dear'
He said, 'Certainly, my treasure, I will go for them with pleasure
And while I am getting them, you stop in here.'

Chorus: So he went to get the stout, but the train went puffing out
All in vain for him the bride began to call
Then they told him, to his sorrow,
'No more trains until tomorrow.'
So, you see, it didn't come off after all.
Written and composed by J.P. Harrington & George Le Brunn - 1902
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
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