I am a man who is frequently misunderstood
I am modest and what has resulted
Why, only last week, when out fishing one day
I was foully and grossly insulted
It appears that a boy, who was out fishing too
Was attacked by a ruffian. He
I am sorry to state, did the boy for his bait
And ran off... then they said it was me.

Chorus: I admit I was seen on the banks of the stream
I admit I was fishing, - Why shouldn't I?
It is quite right to state that I ran short of bait
But I could have bought some bait, couldn't I?
That the boy lost some there is a fact, I declare
That I found some I do not deny
But to say that I pinched the boy's bucket of worms
It's a lie, a lie.

Once I stayed with the Mayor of Beerhampton-on-Booze
And he showed me a relic historic
'Twas a barrel all studded with rusty old nails
It was 'What ho' in terms metaphoric
It was there, so the Mayor's wife most kindly explained
That the witches were formerly put
So we all had a try what it felt like, then I
Gave the barrel a push with my foot.

Chorus: I admit that the barrel rolled right down the hill
I admit that I pushed it - why shouldn't I?
If I liked to proclaim that I wasn't to blame
I could say someone else pushed it, couldn't I?
That with nails it was lined, of the long, rusty kind
Is a fact which I wouldn't deny
But to say that I knew the mayor's wife was inside
It's a lie, a lie.

When I came into money a few years ago
By the death of an uncle most wealthy
There were people who thought he pegged out very soon
For an old man so perfectly healthy
There were lies in the air, there was libel abroad
Oh, what rotters my relatives are
'You did nicely,' they said, 'Out of poor Uncle Ted.'
Some said, 'Hum,' and some said, 'Ha.'

Chorus: I admit I was with Uncle Ted when he died
He had made me his heir - so why shouldn't I?
If the truth I denied, if the facts I would hide
I could just say, 'I wasn't there' couldn't I?
We had supper - quite right, and he died the same night
It's the truth, which I wouldn't deny
But to say I shoved rat-poison into his beer
It's a lie, a lie!

Written and composed by Sax Rohmer and George Robey - 1909
Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
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