Appearances go a long way in this wide, wide world
So to live a little 'class' I've always tried
Why, there's not a house in London looks as well as mine
That's if you stand and look at it outside
It's newly painted, got a garden in the front
A knocker and a bell, it looks real swell
The people pass, they come from everywhere
It's so 'class' for hours they stand and stare
And they all think it's some foreign millionaire
Who occupies the house that's at the corner of the square.

Chorus: 'Cos it's Absolutely Beautiful Outside
A finer looking house you never spied
The smell's enough to poison you that comes from up the drain
The stairs give way beneath you when the top you try to gain
And we take umbrellas up to bed in case that it should rain
But it's Absolutely Beautiful Outside

It's quite a common thing when it has rained all night
For the bed to rock about just like a boat
Very often for our breakfast we've to swim downstairs
And wear life-buoys to keep ourselves afloat
The walls won't bear the weight of hanging up a coat
They quiver and they quake, they roll and shake
The men who tried to build the house weren't very strong
They forgot inside, worked on the front so long
Half-a-crown a week was all we used to pay
The landlord's raisd the rent a quid, but still I'm going to stay.

Chorus: 'Cos it's Absolutely Beautiful Outside.
You couldn't find it's equal if you tried
The roof is quite the latest, it's a sliding roof, you know
It did a slide the other night when it commenced to blow
But we daren't complain for fear the landlord tells us for to go
'Cos it's Absolutely Beautiful Outside.

Now, yesterday the back room slipped and fell down stairs
And it knocked the kitchen slightly to the right
And the parlour has been missing for a month or two
The bedroom floor gave way the other night
The gales have blown the furniture out of the house
But I've no need to care, the front's still there
The man next door advised me to remove
But I'm sure, advice I don't approve
I can easily tumble to the greedy elf
It's only 'cos he wants to go and take the house himself

Chorus: 'Cos it's Absolutely Beautiful Outside.
To leave it I'd be anything but 'wide'
We'd eight rooms when we took it, now we've only one to keep
For all the other seven rooms are lying in a heap
We have got to keep a watchman for to guard us in our sleep
But it's Absolutely Beautiful Outside.
Performed by J.W. Rickaby (1869-1929)
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