(or 'The Night Watchman)
A watchman's life ain't honey in a factory at night
It's enough to give a nervous man the 'rats'
And it's awful on a Sunday, 'cos I never sees a soul
And there's nobody to talk to but the cats
I've never spent a night at home, not since the day I wed
(I'm not the sort of man my job to shirk)
So I've not seen my missis now for five and twenty years
'Cos when I'm home she's always out at work.

Chorus: It's our silver wedding, and I can truly say
I've never had a cross word in my life
Never a row with my darling wife
Five and twenty years and never a quarrel or fight
She's out at work all day, and I'm out at work all night.

She lays my bit of breakfast just before she goes to work
(She's in the washing and the charing line)
And I leaves her supper ready when I goes at six p.m.
'Cos she's hungry when she reaches home at nine
A woman, just about her build, went by our shop last year
(But from the place I never dare to stir)
So I threw a little kiss to her, but didn't like to speak
'Cos I wasn't certain sure if it was her.


I wonder if she's changed much since the day we left the church
I just had time outside to have a kiss
I had to start work early, 'cos it was Saturday
And I've never seen her from that day to this
I think I'll ask the guv'nor, when I've been here fifty years
If I can have a night off, just for fun
We'll keep our golden wedding up, if she can spare the time
And have our honeymoon and all in one

Performed by Ryder Slone (d. 1925)
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