Now, I'm a man with a decent job,
My weekly wages are thirty bob.
I tune pianos, at three and six a time.
While I was tuning one today, the lady came to me.
And said, "Come kiss me pretty one." and sat upon my knee.
Said I, "M'dear, don't get the spike,
But I would kiss you as long as you bally-well like.

Refrain: But I've gotta get back to work, my dear,
I've gotta get back to work.
Well, there she sqatted upon my knee
Till her hubby came home to tea.
He rushed up with a carving knife
And said with a fearful smirk,
You've got to die!" I said, "Don't you be silly,
I've gotta get back to work."

One day, while doing my morning round,
I got to Parliament Square and found,
Thousands of people all waiting for the King,
I went to cross the roadway but a 'slop' soon held me fast;
Said he, 'You've got to wait a bit until the King has passed.'
I said, 'Such rot, I never knew!
Do you think I've got nothing else better to do?'

Refrain: 'I've got to get back to work, old man,
I've got to get back to work.'
At that moment the king went by.
When he spotted me, he said, 'Why,
Fancy you being here today!
Our family you always shirk.
Come have a drink." I said, 'Not today, Teddy,
I've got to get back to work!'

When I got married or shall I say,
When I got buried, it was more that way.
I got to the chapel an hour before the time.
What a long time the parson was when he commenced the job.
I got my gamp* and said as I
Just tapped him on the 'nob'.
"You'll pardon me, I know, old man,
But I would like you to cut it as short as you can.

Refrain: 'Cos' I've gotta get back to work, old boy.
I've gotta get back to work."
When he said, "You are joined for life."
I turned round and I kissed the wife.
She said, "Where shall we go, m'dear?"
Then gave me a saucy smirk.
I said, "Well, you can pop off wherever you want,
But I've gotta get back to work!"

I went to stay at a country farm,
The life for me has a perfect charm.
Burke, that's the farmer, he's very much cross-eyed.
On the last day he said to me, "Before you go to town,
I'm going to kill a pig, my boy, And you can hold it down."
I said, "Alright, I'll lend a hand
But I should like you to thoroughly understand,

Refrain: I've gotta get back to work, today,
I've gotta get back to work."
When he picked up the knife, you see,
His crossed eye looked direct at me!
I said, "Who are you looking at?"
"I'm looking at the pig." said Burke.
I said, "Well, you let somebody else hold it,
I've gotta get back to work..."

*gamp - large, baggy umbrella.
Written and composed by Frank Leo - 1903
Performed by by Alf Gibson (1860-1920)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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