Just before the battle, mother,
Just by five or just by six
I was very busy, mother,
Spreading margarine on bricks
Some one tried to light the fire up
With some nitro-glycerine
I presume he's shifted higher up
For since that day he's not 'ben-zine'
Shall we gather at the river?
If we do, I'll have to swim
One more question - 'How's your liver?'
'Give my Sunday pants to Jim.'

Just before the battle, mother
I sat in a public bar
Trying to rinse my throttle, mother
With a pint of 'Lochnavar'
In that bottle was a 'wossop'
Which I swallowed with the rest
Send a wire to Doctor Jossop
Put a plaister on my chest
Mother dearest, cease your weeping
Why not 'wink the other eye'?
I'm tired now, and would be sleeping
Take your boots off, let me die.

Just before some cattle, mother
I was gathering mushrooms
When a great big bullock, mother
Kicked me in the pantaloons
Around that meadow ran a gutter
Filled with something more or less
What it was I dare not utter
If you're clever you can guess
Kiss me, Mother, kiss your darling
I've been cannoned off the 'cush'
Hark! I hear the angels calling
'Did he fall or was he pushed?'
Written and composed by Charles Osborne - 1893
Performed by George Beauchamp (1863-1901)
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