I've been reading about a duel
A mixed up affair, oh, it's something cruel
It's puzzling my poor brain, and driving me fair insane
A Mister Nott and a Mister Schott, in an argument one day they got
They decided to have a fight, so they met in the pale moonlight
With a pistol each in a lonely wood they quickly got to work.

Chorus: Then Schott faced Nott - likeshot he shot Nott
'I'll tie Nott in a knot!' he said
Then Nott at Schott took a little pot-shot
Missed, and Mister Schott he shot poor Nott instead
Said Nott, 'I'm shot, though my name is not Schott
You're shot, so you're Mister Nott shot.'
'How can Nott be Schott,' said Schott, 'If Nott's not me?'

When they went in the lonely wood
Like the Corsican Brothers, there they stood
They were after each other's life, (They'd been after each other's wife)
You understand, they both were shot,
Though both were shot, yet one was Nott
It's as simple as ABC, but I'm blowed if it is to me
I've been sitting up both day and night to work this problem out.


I've got a clue to the mysteree
I'll explain it to you - it's like this, you see
Of course, you will understand - and then, on the other hand
They fought a duel - now we've got so far,
Then again, you see -well there you are
You're following me, no doubt. Now, what am I talking about
See, Scott shot Nott, not Schott, see Schott - I wish they'd both been shot.

Written and composed by A. J. Mills and G. Everard - 1902
Performed by George Bastow (1871-1914)
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