On the last bus home at night, curious riders oft I see
High and low, the rich and poor - each class of society
Take, for instance, two young Johnnies, who have from supper come
You know would be's, if they could be's - hear one say unto his chum,

Chorus - Spoken: I say, Ted, old chappie, decent spwead that, eh?
But I've tasted better champagne, haven't you?'
'Oh much too dry. Ah, by the by
Tonight's affair has cost me five pounds two
Rather stiff! Have a whiff?'
'Thanks. Don't mind how much I spend.'
'By Jove you're right.'

Sung:He thinks himself a flyer
But he's what I call a liar
On the last bus home at night.

On the last bus home at night, I, Bill and his LIza see
Coming from a 'friendly lead', happy and larkish as can be
He hails me with his usual whistle - 'Got the donah, cully! stop!
Going to rain? No. Bust yer fevvers, chance yer luck and come on top.'

Chorus - Spoken: ''Ere, arf a mo', how do we go
Come on Liza, tons of room for two
What d'yer say? Now garn away
Ain't we got to get home just the same as you?
Yer off yer dot! You'd say what? (Biff)
Take that! talk to me
Well, strike a light!'

Sung: When I see him use his knuckles
Slyly to myself I chuckles
On the last bus home at night.

On the last bus home at night oft I spy a smart young miss
Who will hail me with her 'mush', then take up her skirts like this
Full inside - on top she climbs, then 'Oh 'er' shout some gay young sparks
Whilst my mate behind keeps warbling, 'Kindly pass no rude remarks.'

Chorus - Spoken: 'Lost my car. Going Far?'
'Well, to tell the truth I'm going all the way'
'Late to roam - see me home?'
'Thanks awfully. But what would the missis say?
'Single eh? Oh I say
Well if that's the case
Well then, of course, you might!'

Sung: When I see the gent enraptured
Then I know a jay she's captured
On the last bus home at night.

On the last bus home at night, strange remarks I overhear
From a chap who's had a booze, and goes home full up with beer
'I say driver, how yer going? Glorious weather, what d'yer think?
'Ere, but you're a bit late, ain't yer governor?
Why, we shan't have time for one last drink.'

Chorus - Spoken: 'Want the fare? oh, all right, there
Where am I going? What's that to do with you?
Who said rats? - Lots of flats!
You've no idea who you're talking to
I-I shan't shut up, you young pup
Now you mind your own business, I'm all right

Sung: It takes no boozing critic
To see he's 'paralytic'
On the last bus home at night.
Written and composed by Harry Boden & Henry E. Pether - 1899
Performed by Reuben Hill
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