Bertie to a music hall in London went one night
To see a great revue, and took his sweetheart too
But every song those artistes sang was to a rag refrain
And if they got an encore it was ragtime once again
At last poor Bertie got in quite a rage
And shouted to the lady on the stage,

Chorus: 'Let's have a chorus we can all sing
Something we can all sing, rag time zig zag time
Let's have a chorus we can all sing, something nice and bright
And we'll all sing the words like the little dicky birds
As we all march home tonight.'

Miss Brown had tucked the children safely into bed
And fallen in a doze, when such a squall arose
It woke poor father up at once, he gave an awful groan
The twins had started yelling out some ragtime of their own
He tried to stop his ears and tore his hair
Then screamed out to his offspring lying there,


In the House of Commons Mr Asquith had a dream
A crowd of ladies faIr, with bombshells he saw there
He shouted, 'It's the suffragettes.' for help began to call
But they said, 'Don't be foolish, Bill, we don't want votes at all.'
'Then tell me what you really want,' he cried
They all kissd Mr Winston Churchill and replied,


Out upon a sailing yacht went Algernon one day
A poet great was he, he loved the angry sea
The vessel tossed and bobbed about - they had some narrow shaves
Cried Algy, 'How I love the ragged music of the waves.'
A chap who'd just parted with his tea
Cried, 'Hang your ragged music of the sea.'

Written and composed by Worton David and Harry Castling
Performed by Jack Charman
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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