To be a girl a week, if it were mine, I'd give the world,
I'd fringe my hair from there to there and have the back part curled.
I'd wear a frock of lovely blue, a blouse of green and red,
I'd have a hat as large as that, perched sideways on my head.

Chorus: If I could only be just like a girl,
I'd set the Johnnies hearts in such a whirl.
I would wear bright golden hair,
Right down to there... even there,
If I could only do things just exactly like a girl.

To make the fellows say I was a dainty little gem,
You know those lovely seal-skin coats, well, I'd like one of them.
I'd practice how to walk till I was called the queen of grace,
I'd raise my skirt, you know, to show the lovely milk-white lace.

Chorus: If I could only be just like a girl,
I'd run against a Marquis or an Earl.
He would marry me, of course,
And then we'd have, you know, divorce,
If I could only do things just exactly like a girl.

Of course it wouldn't do to laze, well you know what I mean,
Here, thirty-five, there forty-two and this about sixteen.
Small three in shoes, the boys would say, 'Oh, dear! what little loves!'
And as for kids, i'd have a pair of ninety button gloves.

Chorus: If I could only be just like a girl,
I'd wear a coral necklet mixed with pearl.
I would sulk and pout my lips,
I'd use carmine and pad my hips,
If I could only do things just exactly like a girl.

And after I had got divorced, I'd go upon the stage,
I'd do, I don't know what I'd do,... but I would be the rage.
And if I failed to make success by singing naughty songs,
As Venus I would go in for the gay 'Tableaux Vivants'

Chorus: If I could only be just like a girl,
I'd call myself Sophia Jeanette Birl;
And before the gay footlights,
I'd appear in shoes and tights.
If I could only do things just exactly like a girl.