The day Brown got married, he did look upset,
He was bubbly with anticipation
Which later he found to his bitter regret
Was better than realisation
As he sat in the train on his honeymoon tour
The blushing bride said, coy and demure
'Oh that kind guard has labelled the carriage 'engaged'
Did he get that idea all alone?'
And Brown said 'Yes, and what's more, I've just locked the door...
That's a little idea of my own.'

Soon after his wedding brown has to leave home
For the usual business reason
It's hard lines when newly wed men have to roam
Soon after the honeymoon season
And the doctor next door was a bit of a lad
Once Brown saw that the doctor's eye on his wife had clad
So Brown bought her some apples, a large basketful
On the morning he left her alone
For an apple a day keeps the doctor away
And that was a little idea of his own.

A young friend of mine, a keen business type
He's just got a new secretary
She does all his typing, it seems a good plan
To leave all the details to Mary
I chanced to pop into his office today
And I said, among other things, 'oh by the way
I like your new typist, she's young and she's cute
And speaks very well on the phone
Who engaged her? Your wife?'
He said 'Not on your life
She's a little idea of my own.'

My neighbour's house-proud and the things that he's got
Were presented as gifts at the wedding
I called in one day and he showed me the lot
From the drawing room chairs to the bedding
He said 'Everything here comes from friends, my dear lad'
At that moment a voice from the corner said 'Dad'
So I said 'Lucky you. Did they give you that too?'
He replied in a rather stern tone
'That's our baby, young Steve, and I'm led to believe
He's a little idea of my own.'

A sergeant was drilling his men in the square
And his language was simply delightful
He shouted 'halt what's, not the why's, or the which
And then with a snarl which was frightful
He gave a sharp order, 'Fall out number three!
For the love of King Cole what are you meant to be?
Why, just look at your shoes, they're women's size twos
You're reeking of Eau de Cologne
Did they issue those here?' He said 'No Sergeant Dear
They're a little idea of my own!'
Performed by George Robey (1869-1954_
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