A lanky old crank used to knock about then
And this individual's cognomen was
'The man of eccentric notions.'
He always slept on the rail of the bed
Laid his boots in the sheets instead
Under the bed he looked because
There might be a woman there, he hoped there was
Walked on his hands for to save his boots
Ate green radish tops, threw away the roots
Right on his head his mouth was stuck
Carried his dinner in his hat for luck
Popped on his hat ere one o'clock chimed
Shifted his dinner in the governor's time
Cleaned his teeth with second-hand brooms
Under his chin he grew mushrooms.
Chorus: And he signed a cheque with a wart on his neck
This man with eccentric notions.
He never ate anything but tripe
He'd smoke a newspaper while reading his pipe
He'd pick up the fender his nose to wipe
This man of eccentric notions.
He'd always breathe through his right ear-hole
To save his mouth, upon my soul
Blew the gas out, the silly old elf
And very near got blown out himself
Swallowed his grub in lumps, because
It saved the wear and tear of his jaws
Pulled his pants on inside out
To save the nap when the wind was about
Had one bath, and he pinched two towels
Porous-plastered the ducks and the fowls
In hot water he soaked their legs
To make the hens lay hard-boiled eggs.
Chorus: But he conquored his faults with Epsom salts
This man of eccentric notions.
He married a woman according to law
And when her mother began to jaw
He hit her a kick with a circular saw
This man of eccentric notions.
He never went out, but whenever he did
He'd buy no baccy, but borrow a quid
He'd button his coat to his bald head of hair
To keep the draught from his you know where
He went for a shave in a barber's shop
The razor slipped, and his nose went pop
He grabbed it quick, but the foolish pup
Stuck it on his face the wrong side up
'Twas raining hard, and it filled to the brim
Overflowed, and he couldn't swim
He yelled for a boat, but yelled in vain
A storm came on and it filled his brain.
Chorus: So he fell in his nose and he turned up his toes
This man of eccentric notions.
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